Im a firestarter

So it ended again, on impluse or not I'll take it as it is and i wanna let go and move on although each step breaks my heart ):
Coz im a fucking fuck, quoted

I didnt wanna be alone at home, i couldnt sleep again, i only slept for 6 hrs and im wide awake for the whole day): not hungry again too, and tempted to take nonsense. again. its history repeating itself. damnit, i wanna break this fucken cycle. ahhh,maybe whenever i recieve a painful blow from you i'll become like that? damn

Soooo, i went out with Sheryl for the first time since hw many years ago?ahhaha.and with her friends which is people from whitley tht i nvr thought i'd go out with,example crystal. haha and then came lynette and my good old marymount convent school people, daphne shermaine thin and adeline. oh and plus i made a new friend, pei sze. all very nice people.(: its amusing and shocking. hahaha, and we actually had a great time. surprisingly? i never thought it'd turn out like that, hahaha. they took my mind off lots of things,(yes esp you,although i did feel like crying at times), hah, but i enjoyed their company and thankew all very much (:

2008 is ending, in 3 more days. i cant wait for new year's eve coz im staying out woooh, and tmrw, going cycling with bestie. haha

So what nw? Idk what to do. im scared of being alone again. i have to plan my days advance. scares the shit out of me. nothing solid, nothing there. tired of reaching out and returning emptyhanded

This is the end,there's nothing to keep
Its the end of you and me
As the ice comes down, its the end
As the lies come down,its the end
As the tears flows out,its the end
Its the end of you and me

he dedicated this to me when he left, fight song